Crash like a pro? Someone please tell me the joke is on me!

Bicycling Magazine randomly showed up in our mail last week so I felt compelled to flip through a couple of pages while relaxing in the Steel Wül lounge. It only took me 9 minutes to negotiate the 13 page ad for Pinnarello Bikes. The techno babble associated with those bikes have reached epic proportions. However, what really caught my eye was the hilarious article about teaching cyclists to "crash like a pro". I thought it was absolutely wonderful up until the point that I realized it-was-for-real! Evidently we are not only supposed to eat, ride, race, look, train, and act like a professional cyclist, but we are now to crash like one.


Here is what they are advocating:

1. Elbows bent and head up - look straight ahead
2. Look through the corner
3. Point knee into the turn
4. Press down on inside of bars
5. Keep weight over the tires
6. Counter steer
7. Aim the bike
8. Dump the bike in a controlled fashion
9. Bend elbows and land on left shoulder

Is it just me or does that read like someone cut and pasted an article of Golf Digest from 1982 outlining Tom Watson's "power" swing?


Here is my real world version of the 9 steps to crashing.

1. It appears as if you are going to freaking crash.
2. Crash.
3. You can hear your collar bone break, because your ear was touching it.
4. Your buddies have already called 911.
5. The gruppeto of riders have now caught you and they say, "oh that sucks".
6. You are put into a 700c sling and swath by your buddies .
7. Folks are giving you the financial report for your bike and it is ugly.
8. You can hear the Ambulance now.
9. You are regretting that you sold your only wind trainer at a garage sale.